[coreboot] coreboot v4.1

Joseph Smith joe at settoplinux.org
Wed Apr 1 14:24:41 CEST 2009

On Wed, 01 Apr 2009 12:44:59 +0200, Carl-Daniel Hailfinger
<c-d.hailfinger.devel.2006 at gmx.net> wrote:
> [Distribution to news outlets is encouraged.]
> I'm happy to announce that today coreboot v4.1 has been released.
> Besides being totally redesigned, it is super-fast, handles almost every
> existing chipset, opens our codebase to contributors without lowlevel C
> skills and is generally something to be celebrated. Not to mention the
> environmental friendliness and promotion of world peace.
> Features include, but are not limited to:
> - LARROMFS-NG, allowing code and configuration storage in the ROM
> without risking accidental reflashes. With its clean and simple design,
> you can store hundreds of different file types easily in the ROM, each
> of them being handled by a different plugin.
> - SQL-based chipset programming. Gone are the days where you had to
> differentiate between accessing PCI regs via struct device, u32 or
> device_t variants. Now you can use statements like:
> SELECT val_32bit FROM pci WHERE buslocation="badc:0f:fe.e" AND
> configbytenumber=00;
> or the even simpler
> SELECT val_32bit FROM pci NATURAL JOIN configbytes WHERE
> buslocation="badc:0f:fe.e" AND configbytename="Vendor ID";
> Changing PCI config space follows similar rules.
> - A SQL interpreter in coreboot which handles all chipset code. This SQL
> interpreter combines the clarity of obfuscated FORTH with the speed of
> unoptimized SQL.
> - Self-modifying code! As we all know, self-modifying code has less bugs
> because any given bug disappears after the code has been modified often
> enough. Plus, this is a good way to exercise CPUs to detect hardware
> problems more easily.
> - Fancy linker scripts. LARROMFS-NG is the next generation archiving
> solution for all our needs because it does not rely on inherently
> bug-prone C code. LARROMFS-NG is implemented as a really big and
> all-encompassing set of linker scripts which can even link new linkers
> together which reinterpret these linker scripts.
> - New plugin architecture. Coreboot v4.1 will faithfully execute any and
> all code presented on any device attached to the board. Due to that,
> trojanizing computers becomes a piece of cake, freeing up the precious
> time of the intelligence community for more pressing problems like world
> peace.
> - Multi-language error messages. Although chinese error messages were a
> bit difficult to store in 7-bit ASCII, we created a lossy compression
> scheme which will hardly ever insult users by accident.
> - An animated splash screen with sound. This was one of the most wanted
> features in the past, but coreboot was too fast for anyone to notice the
> splash screen. Now we have a mandatory delay of 20 seconds, enough for
> short movies and even some tacked on ads.
> - Ultra-secure Suspend-to-RAM (S3) for people worried of RAM readout
> (the "cold boot attacks" with frozen RAM). During every suspend cycle,
> coreboot completely wipes the RAM and will resume to a data-free system.
> - WORN technology. This is shorthand for Write Once, Read Never. Others
> practice that coding tradition by accident, but we have perfected it as
> an art.
> - Double use technology. Most people think of weapons when they hear
> this, but it's more simple and a lot more environmentally friendly. Your
> CPU will not only calculate stuff, coreboot can also switch off the fans
> on demand to make sure the CPU will fry your omelette exactly right.
> - Less-than-zero boot times. Ever had the problem that your boot took
> too long? We have the simple solution: Once coreboot is finished with
> initializing the hardware, it will set back your clock by 30 seconds.
> Even with the mandatory 20 second delay for splash movies, you can
> finish booting 9-10 seconds before you switched the machine on.
> - Real life impact. With a less-than-zero boot time, time goes
> effectively backward. If you assemble a big enough cluster of coreboot
> machines, you can undo the worst decisions of your life.
> As you can see, coreboot v4.1 is the best thing since the invention of
> sliced bread. It even makes firmware veterans spin in their graves to
> act as human-powered electricity generators (a nice environmental plus).
> To limit the impact on the real world (especially due to the time
> machine properties), this coreboot version will only be available for
> download this April 1st.
> Sincerely,
> the coreboot team
Is this your April fools joke Carl-Daniel :-)

Joseph Smith

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